The -un-Pleasant Bits of Life
by HetaliaMonster
Summary: Gilbert had been feeling down for a long time and the time had finally come. After 3 days of planning and writing goodbye letters, he stood in front of his bathroom mirror. TW: Suicide and depression. Surprise pairing. Happy ending.
1. The Attempt

The (un)Pleasant Bits of Life

_Chapter 1 - The First Attempt_

"Love forms in the most unlikely of situations"

_-Unknown_

**TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE ATTEMPT**

Gilbert stood in front of his bathroom mirror. He had his hands clenched white on the sink, shaking as he struggled to keep himself up. His arms gave out and he fell onto the tiled floor. His white hair was greasy and unwashed, his skin glimmering with sweat and the albino's red eyes clouded and struggling to stay open. Just fifteen minutes ago, he had taken exactly twenty five aspirin pills, or at least that's what it said on the box.

He had started to feel drowsy just five minutes after he had taken the dosage but now it wasn't just drowsiness. It was pain. Pure, hellish pain where nothing can save you; not even yourself. His head felt like it was on fire, his heart was beating so much; the albino thought it would jump out of his rib cage.

Oh, how he wished he could cry for help. (More like _scream_ for help...) But he was doing this out of his own free will and no one would be able to stop him.

As the pain extended to the rest of his body, Gilbert went through the reasons on why he was enduring this for the millionth time that day.

_I'm useless. I'm nothing but a cumber to Ludwig, staying in his house for absolutely nothing. My country iss long gone, no one recognises the name anymore and I bet a number of people would be happy to see me gone._

But that wasn't the only reason. The ex-nation had left out one little thing which he had been trying to ignore for oh-so-long. Whenever he managed to get some sleep, he would dream. Dreams which he never understood.

(Dream Flashback)

_There was darkness and a numbness. He could feel nothing until suddenly he felt his body. A sound erupted in the silent darkness. The noise sounded louder than it actually was, amplified by the silence and the echoes inside the darkness. _

_It sounded like screaming for a few seconds until his ears became accustomed to it. Gilbert followed the noise, which was difficult considering it echoed constantly. And then he saw it._

_There was a child with white unruly hair curled up in a ball on the floor. The child looked no older than five years old, or at least physically. The albino suddenly noticed the child was shaking and it hit him._

_The child was crying. The child was him._

_And that was when the dream had always ended._

(Flashback End)

Gilbert attempted to stand up once more to get one last look at himself before he died. He clenched his hands tightly around the edges of the white sink and hoisted himself up.

It took immense strength to stay up and his arms were shaking as looked in the mirror.

The albino's breathing was short and rapid as his vision started to blur. It hurt to breathe and he could feel his muscles complaining under the weight of his upper body.

"I look like shit..." he murmured faintly as he took in his dishevelled appearance.

He had spent the last three days in his room and ensuite doing nothing. No eating, sleeping, bathing or anything as he planned his death.

And then he heard three knocks. _Oh shit... The door's unlocked! _

He thought in panic. Within seconds the door of the bathroom was slammed open and the force that had opened it stood in shock. His face was pale and distorted with worry and an inkling of rage.

Time seemed to slow and what took seconds seemed like hours. The blonde man ran towards the albino just as the albino collapsed. Gilbert fell in his arms and, in his last moments of consciousness, whispered, "I always loved you, my brother...".

The brother, Ludwig, pondered for a few seconds on what to do but hurriedly felt his pulse on his neck. _It's slow but it's something..._ He took out his phone from his trouser's pocket and dialled the emergency number.

A voice chimed in with the usual phrase, in German, and he calmly explained, "My brother is in my arms collapsed, he has an empty aspirin box on the bathroom sink. I think he's had an overdose. My address is..." and the German continued until the woman reassured him that there was an ambulance speeding over to his house.

~~x~~

Gilbert's eyes opened slowly. It took a few seconds to get used to the brightness and for him to become fully conscious. He heard a beeping sound, some people speaking in hushed voices and his own breathing which was laboured and weak.

He heard a chair being pushed back, the noise hurt to his painfully sensitive ears. "...Gilbert?..." he heard.

He looked around, searching for the owner of the voice but only seeing blurred shapes. The air smelt sterile and clean and now he heard several chairs being pushed back and several more hushed voices than before.

"I think he's awake..." he heard someone speak with a strong accent. The accent sounded similar and he attempted to move his head to his left to follow the comforting voice, but found that there were straps holding his limbs, including his head, down onto whatever he was laying on.

"Don't move, brother. You'll only hurt yourself... Even **more**." the voice, his brother, had whispered, taking into account Gilbert's wince at every sound and lowering his voice. Although the last part was barely audible, and Gilbert clearly wasn't supposed to have heard it.

He slipped his eyes shut, attempting to go back to sleep. His brother must have thought he had succeeded because of what he had started to say to himself.

"It's all my fault... How could I have not noticed? He had been showing signs of depression for years and I just ignored each and every one of them... How could I have been so selfish? I should've questioned it when I saw him buy that packet of aspirin! And now he's strapped down to a hospital bed... I could've stopped it!" Ludwig's voice had slowly risen to hysterics until a nurse came by and told him quietly to calm down.

_Ah. So that's where I am. _

Finally, darkness took over his thoughts and Gilbert slipped into a delicate sleep. He was completely unaware of all the tubes coming in and out of his body and the fact that it wasn't an ordinary hospital that he was in.

~~x~~

**A/N: **So... My first story in a long while... I'll be surprised if I upload it though! My past few stories were absolutely **terrible.** There are no excuses. Well, actually... I was around 11ish when I wrote them so... Yeah. I was at THAT age. :/ Well, after years of not actually writing because of being scared that it would be terrible, I've finally started to write stories once more.

I thought up this story in my last art lesson in my entire life on my first day in my new school. There was a cover teacher and we had nothing to do so I started writing a plot for a story. At first, the target amount of words was 2k but now I think I'm aiming for a 10k story. Multi-chaptered, I hope. And I hope I don't quit last minute! And I am trying to improve my writing style! I've incredibly shortened my paragraphs because long paragraphs are a pain to read on ff... :/

As for my other stories... Discontinued until I say otherwise. And yes, I deleted several of my other stories because they were so terrible that I winced. I physically made a horrible sound in my throat. But then again... I was 12 where I wrote Forbidden Feelings... .

Anyways! Enjoy this story! It probably won't have any written smut because I read plenty of it but I can't actually write it. And there'll only be smut at the end and there is a pairing. And it's a suprise! ;)

-HetaMon


	2. The Routine

**The (un)Pleasant Bits of Life**

_Chapter 2 - The Routine_

"We cannot tear out a single page of our life, but we can throw the whole book in the fire."

― _George Sand, Mauprat_

~~x~~

"Gilbert Beilschmidt."

_What is it now?_

"It's 9am."

_So what?_

"It's time for breakfast."

Gilbert suddenly felt cold and exposed, opening his eyes to see a woman wearing white trousers and a white shirt with a blurry logo.

_Since when do we have women in our house? Wait. Since when is there a specific time for breakfast at our house?_

_If this is heaven then I want to go back._

His eyes adjusted to the light and he saw someone put some clothing next to him on the bed and then begin to tap him on the arm.

"I'm awake." Gilbert croaked, surprised at how weak and raspy his voice sounded.

"Well, that's a start. Now get dressed and washed and then I'll tell you what's going on." she sneered, a sarcastic edge in her voice.

She left the room by the door, which Gilbert noticed was white. He sat up and looked around his room.

Everything was white. Clean. Sterile.

White.

The albino noticed the odd smell in the air, the strong smell of bleach and disinfectant stinging his nose slightly.

He looked at the clothes folded neatly into a pile next to his left hand on the bed. The clothes were, of course, white.

He threw his legs to the side of the bed and got up, albeit shakily. He took the clothes on the bed and unfolded them, revealing a long white top which had a logo on the left side; the same logo that the woman had. And some baggy trousers which seemed pretty normal if it weren't for the fact that they were white. And then there were some boxers, which were dark blue for a change.

The clothes he was given were honestly depressive and Gilbert felt like throwing himself in his bed and sleeping until eternity ended.

But life simply wasn't kind enough.

He took off the clothes he had been previously wearing and changed into the clothes the woman had given him. He looked around his room.

There was a window with no curtains but had iron bars and a white bedside table with a book on it. Gilbert wasn't sure what book it was but was willing to bet his life that it was probably a bible. And then there were two doors. One was closed and had a golden door knob whilst the door to the left of the white door was a creamy white and had a silver door knob and was slightly open.

Gilbert opened the door to discover a bathroom with baby blue tiles on the wall (not white for a change!) and a small shower, a toilet and a sink with a mirror above it. The room was small and cramped but it would be enough for a single person.

Knock knock. "Are you done yet?" he heard a muffled voice ask, voice heavy with impatience.

"No." he exclaimed as he picked up his toothbrush.

~~x~~

"I never knew a man could take so long in a bathroom. What were you doing in there? Digging a hole to China?" the nurse, he had found out after questioning, asked.

Gilbert had to admit that he liked her sense of humour, even if he was in a hospital of some kind.

"I take pride in my appearance." he had replied with a hollow tone devoid of any life. Or at least any life worth living.

"Well, you didn't look too well when you arrived here. And are you always so quiet?" the nurse inquired as she handed him a plastic transparent cup with two white pills inside it and a cup with water.

Gilbert looked at the cups then back at her, "Why?" he implored as he pointed at the cups with his right hand.

"Two in the morning, one at night. I'm not really sure, I'm just a nurse. But they're probably anti-depressants." she addressed whilst giving her wristwatch a sideward glance.

Gilbert looked hesitantly at them before picking the cup with the pills and tipping the contents into his mouth and swallowing them dry.

"Are you going to breakfast or not? And, by the way, if you don't then the higher-ups have to force you to eat in case you decide to kill yourself by not eating. Just a heads up that you might wanna go eat. Oh, and if no one has told you yet. You're in a mental hospital!" she observed, speaking the words as casually as if she were speaking about the simple act of folding a shirt.

_I knew I was in a hospital... But a mental hospital? Did Ludwig put me here...? Why? Why didn't he just let me die? Why did he have to come and throw me back into the pits of hell and I was just getting out of it? _

Gilbert's face distorted in anger as the thoughts ran through his head, his hands at his side started started to tremble and tense up every few seconds. The nurse looked shocked for a moment before putting her hand on his shoulder.

"Don't get angry now. There's no point. Eat and then I'll see if I can get hold of your brother so you can talk to him, okay?" she offered with a small smile.

Gilbert did a curt nod before opening the door and stepping out of his room. "The breakfast room is on your right, the very last room in this hallway on the right." the nurse chimed in before walking to the left of the corridor.

The corridor looked like it had seen better days in its lifetime with it's peeling wall paint and- _What's with the white?_

Gilbert walked to his right and down the corridor, he followed the nurse's instructions and walked into a medium sized room with 3 large tables. There were a few people on each table, except for one in the corner of he room near the barred window.

There were two large men standing next to the door in black uniforms and what seemed like a taser gun on the holster. _Probably security guards_, Gilbert mused to himself.

He sat down onto the empty table and waited for a few minutes, fiddling with his crusty scars on his forearm whilst waiting.

Eventually, a nurse gave him a plate and a spork. Yeah, a spork. And a little plastic knife which was so blunt that I doubt it could cut even the softest butter in the world.

The nurse smiled kindly as she put the plate in front of him and left the room, her blonde hair flying slightly as she walked quickly out of the silent room.

Gilbert looked at his plate and grimaced.

_Scrambled eggs on toast with a banana? Seriously?_

He ate his food in silence, silently complaining in his head at the thought of a breakfast with no sausages and baked potatoes.

When he finished he was about to stand up when a loud and slightly nasally voice spoke over the intercom, "Back to your rooms to see your personal specialist now, please."

_Personal specialist? Isn't that just another way of phrasing 'therapist'. Only crazy people get therapists. The insane ones that attempt suicide. _

_Oh, wait. Yeah. He tried._

He stood up and walked solemnly back to his room. He left the door open and sat on his bed, waiting for his 'personal specialist' as the squeaky woman had put it.

Eventually, a woman with short blonde hair to her chin that curled around her face walked into his room. She locked the door and sat next to Gilbert on the bed.

Gilbert noticed she had blue eyes as she connected her eyes with his. He was lost in a daze as he looked down at his hands.

"So, what's your problem?"

His head snapped up at the blunt remark and looked at her in shock. "...Suicidal." he whispered into the barren room.

_White is a boring colour. Dull. Barren. Boring. _

"Ah, I know. You're in here, after all!" she declared cheerfully. Gilbert turned his face to her once more and gave her a look of utter annoyance.

_Why would she even ask that if she already knew?_

Now Gilbert was just getting annoyed beyond return.

"Why are you sad? Did something happen?" she questioned, now sounding serious and respectful as she looked at the ceiling of the room.

"I'm not sad, just hopeless. I lost what I had been trying to build up since I was a child. I lost my dream and my goal. My purpose. All gone. Useless. I had nothing. Relying on my brother to live, I just couldn't do it. I figured it would be best if I just left this world instead of being a nuisance. So I tried. And obviously failed." Gilbert quietly revealed.

_It's probably best if I just go along with these stupid people otherwise they won't leave me alone. _

The therapist looked at Gilbert with curious eyes whilst he looked down at the floor. After a few seconds she added, "I'm Monika. I'm your therapist. Could you give me more detail as to what you lost and how you felt?".

~~x~~

"Goodbye, Gilbert! Thank you for sharing with me some of your troubles. I'll be back tomorrow, same time!" she exclaimed excitedly as she left the room. There were a few minutes as Gilbert brushed his hair in front of the mirror in the bathroom before a knock came at his door.

"Gilbert?" a bold and masculine voice said as he quickly opened the door and stepped out.

Gilbert stood still for a few moments in shock before walking over to his brother. He held his hand back and slapped him across the face, leaving a crimson patch to blossom on his brother's skin. "What was that for?" the man exclaimed loudly.

"That's for leaving me in here!" Gilbert accused and opened the door and started to push his brother out.

"Gilbert, I'm your brother! Let me at least talk to you!" he ordered firmly, voice made of iron.

Gilbert was about to shut the door on his brother but decided otherwise and sighed as he gave way for the German. He then closed the door behind him and locked it.

Gilbert looked around the room awkwardly, "Sit down on the bed, Ludwig." he remarked.

Ludwig did as told and Gilbert leaned against the wall opposite the German. "I'm sorry for putting you in here but it's for the best. It's for you to get better." Ludwig explained.

"You think that will will fix me? Do you actually believe that you can FIX ME?" Gilbert screamed in the German's face, his features distorted in anger. "DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?" he screamed, louder this time.

Ludwig looked shocked for a second, "It's for your own go-"

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT! I'M NOT BROKEN! HOW DARE YOU THINK THAT THIS WILL 'FIX ME'!" Gilbert screamed, his voice getting hoarse from screaming.

"If anything, this will make me worse. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" He screamed once more.

Ludwig looked down at his hands and shook his head.

"Get out. Just get out." Gilbert calmly commanded as he pointed to the door.

Ludwig looked up at Gilbert, a silent plea evident in his eyes. With no mercy to offer from the scarlet eyes, Ludwig stood up and unlocked the door. He looked back one last time and then shut the door.

Gilbert collapsed onto his bed, trembling with his hands over his face. A silent and lone tear slipped down his face and onto the sheets. It was going to be a long day.

~~x~~

The nurse from when he woke up was back. Gilbert had noticed that she had long brown hair down to her mid-back and it was wavy and shone golden in the sun. She had moss green eyes and a certain mischievous air around her.

"So, let's see if I can remember this. 9am is breakfast. 10am is therapist. 11am is free time. 12pm is lunch time. 1pm and onwards is free time. 6pm is dinner time. 7pm is 1-hour play and 8pm is lights out? Is that all?" Gilbert recited whilst counting on his fingers.

"Yes, that's all. But occasionally there are some meetings but they tend to be held at 11am. The free time from 1pm 'til 6pm is when you're allowed to do whatever you want in your room. It's quite simple after a while..." the nurse mused as handed Gilbert his final pills for the night.

"More pills?" he teased before swallowing them, handing the plastic cup back to the nurse.

"I'm Liz, by the way." the nurse added before waving a goodbye, turning off the lights in the room and closing the door. Locked, of course.

Gil pulled the bed covers up to his neck and sighed as he closed his eyes. "Today was a long first day..." he whispered quietly to himself.

He turned to the side and attempted to sleep, his legs curled closer to him in a foetal position.

~~x~~

_4 hours later_

"Dammit, why can't I fall asleep?"

~~x~~

_4 hours later_

"It's 8am and I have to be up in an hour but I still can't fall asleep... Damn it!"

~~x~~

_1 hour later_

A knock at his door signalled the nurse's arrival. "Rise and shine, it's your second day." the now familiar voice greeted as she entered the room holding a cup and two pills.

"I can't sleep." he mumbled.

"I'll get you some sleeping pills for tonight then. Here are your anti-depressants for today. Enjoy your day!" she smiled.

Gilbert rolled his eyes,_ I'll try_, he mused.

~~x~~

**A/N: **If you are reading this second chapter... I thank you so much! Even if you haven't enjoyed it, thank you for giving me a second chance! I hope you enjoy this attempt at a romance story! xD Please review, if you can, my chapters and give as much criticism as possible! I would love to know how to make people enjoy my stories more and reviews keep me going.. I hope you have enjoyed this chapter!

No, Liz isn't part of the pairing... Sorry PruHun shippers! xD PruHun is one of my OTPs, but unfortunately not a pairing in this story... Maybe some other time! :)

The character that will be the other half in this pairing will appear in the next chapter...

(I'm actually surprised I'm even writing a second chapter... I think I may actually finish this story!) xD Although I'm not too sure about the ending, I'll have to tweak it a bit before I can finish this story. :3

Right now, I'm expecting 10 chapters for this story so we'll see how that works! :D

-Cat/HetaliaMonster


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